Stairway to Hell

If dogs could talk they would sound like Owen Wilson. Chiwawas would sound like George Lopez. That new movie hit it right on the head!

Why do creepy people look creepy? You got guys walking into the grocery store who haven't shaved since there were 13 and have hair down to their waist. Do they wake up in the morning and say, "damn I look good today! No need to change anything at all or shower for that matter." No wonder their only friends are fellow creeps (they don't travel in packs).

Sorry, but women playing sports is the worst thing to witness. It is thrilling to see them perform conventional layups or attempt to catch a softball with a glove that isn't even big enough. Okay, that is fun to watch... hmm I guess girls playing sports is alright after all.

Why did fanny packs go out of style? Probably the most genius invention of the 20th century has quickly gone from convenient to lame. I see no problem in wearing one, they hold many useful items.

Comparing apples and oranges doesn't seem that far fetched to me. Imagine a color blind woman with wrinkly fingers, she would agree they look and feel the same. Also both are fruits and I mean seriously, that's not comparable? How about comparing Rosie O' Donnell to talent. That is impossible.

Technology is getting better and better. I can't wait for the day that Illegal Mexicans can do everything for us.

The Bluegrass State

It's not delivery it's digiorno. How do you spell that? I have no clue. But that pizza blows, the slogan should be "It's not delivery, it's disgusting". At least they have bread sticks now, I bet those are good. Speaking of pizza, tomorrow is Wednesday, and that means it's hump day.

The Fourth of July is fast approaching and that means one thing, parades! What better way to celebrate our independence than by walking down a road? Fireworks are cool cuz you can blow shit up and I say any reason is a good reason to blow shit up, unless you're a terrorist, fuck you. Cinco De Mayo is totally a fake holiday, get over it, and plus nobody cares about your independence this is America. If you care about Mexico's independence that means you're an illegal, so get the hell out. Okay that was harsh, but seriously, Russia doesn't celebrate the 4th of July do they? They probably don't even have calendars or know the concept of time over there yet. Peter the Great, R.I.P.

Should you use shampoo every day? I heard that's not good? I don't understand why that's not good but I'm scared to use it on Saturdays because I always remember it's been 6 days in a row, I may die if I use it today. So I stick with the body wash. But then your hair is all dirty, that's so annoying, I might risk it one day and go 7 days in a row. Do old people shower?

Why can a 10 year old go down a slide and look normal, but a 22 year old tries walking up a tube slide full of piss and everyone thinks he's a weirdo? I don't get the world at all. We drive on parkways and park on driveways. Seriously, wt fuck.

As a runner myself, I am amazed how black people are obviously much faster and have all of the world records. However, they walk slower than time. I think this is why they are fast, they conserve their energy in walking and save it for when they need to run.

I saw a squirrel go up a tree the other day, man I wish I could do that! I always try but then I fall down. Some people think I'm weird, I think I'm a pioneer. We have to start thinking outside the box.

One addition, why do people pray before they eat? God is the one that made us have to eat to survive? So we're thanking him for food that we need to live. I just say well if we didn't have food then that woulda been a dick move by God!

Day 1

Summer is great because when you make a snowman in your yard, you know you'll be the only one in the neighborhood to have one. Also, it's not cold and you want ice cream. But getting ice cream isn't that easy when you try to steal 40 pounds worth from a local shop. Besides the robot guards securing the vanilla, you'd be lucky to get by the laser shooting panda guarding the chocolate. A black guy secured the cherry ice cream, the most wanted of the ice creams. Nobody messes with a black guy. So I won't steal ice cream.

My dog got hit by another car. We laughed it off again, at least he still has a leg. We shoulda got a cow, they don't run in the road or at all for that matter, and they make milk. One time we almost bought a cat. Owning a home is tough work and only some can do it, especially when you're home is made of straw and you live by a damn wolf. It would suck even worse if you lived on a canoe and it was always windy. You'd have little room to begin with and would probably tip over. Or what if your house was built and they forgot to put in a bathroom, that would just suck! Man, homeless people do have it easy after all. They can pee wherever they want and I would love to live outside a dunkin donuts.

I woke up today with an idea, "I'm going to brush my teeth before I eat breakfast" Dumb, idea because my waffles tasted like fluoride and my milk tasted minty. I wonder if Jesus brushed his teeth? He probably didn't have to, I mean the guy walked on water.

It would be nice if we had 3 arms but I wonder how you'd use it. Would it be like where your chest is or like on one of the sides? Well then you'd need 4 arms but how would you move it, you'd have to like jump and it would flop around or something.